ZEN TEACHINGS!

ZEN TEACHINGS!!

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may

not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for

I may not follow. Do not walk beside

me for the path is narrow. In fact, just

piss off and leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not that

important unless you aren't getting

any.

3. No one is listening until you fart.

4. Always remember you're unique.

Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water

with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether

you're alive or dead, try missing a

couple of mortgage payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you

should walk a mile in their shoes. That

way, when you criticize them, you're a

mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed,

skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat

for a day. Teach him how to fish, and

he will sit in a boat and drink beer all

day.

10. If you lend someone $20 and

never see that person again, it was

probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have

to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog, some

days you are the tree.

13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky

the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad

experience...and most of that comes

from bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two excellent theories

for arguing with women. Neither one

works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't

learning much when your lips are

moving.

18. Experience is something you don't

get until just after you need it.

19. We are born naked, wet and

hungry, and get slapped on our ass...

Then things just keep getting worse.

20. Never, under any circumstances,

take a sleeping pill and a laxative on

the same night.

21. Remember in November what the

Government has done the other 11

months.

22. "In God We Trust" All others keep

your hands where I can see them.